The Ten Commandments for Cats
- Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.
- Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
- Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll.
- Thou shall not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou are transparent.
- Thou shall not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
- Thou shall not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
- Thou shall not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.
- Thou shall not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region.
- Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.
- Thou shall not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
- Thou shall not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thee will fall in and trap thyself.
- Thou shall not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.
- Thou shall not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4a.m.
- Thou shall realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
- Thou shall not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
- Thou shall not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house.
- Thou shall remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.
- Thou shall show remorse when being scolded.